Gemini Rising
The twins facing each other with opposing and conflicting thoughts function in harmony and at times in disarray. Battling for control a Gemini Rising has two apparently different faces.
There is no better mask to the world for a person like me.
A little black girl with gifted intelligence and an A.C.E. score of 7, masking was the only means of survival. I could not be myself without threat of violence so my brain formed pieces that could protect me.
Over time, these pieces have driven the boat and saved my life in their own ways. When adults wouldn’t protect me, my mask was there to swing the sword and create physical safety. When I was too weak to defend myself, my mask rose up to educate me and network to find safety in knowledge and community. For their sacrifice, I’m grateful. Allow me to introduce you to my twins and saviors – no titties.
The All American – All Black Everything
There is Z. Nova. Thing 1.
I can be loud and proud despite being a major introvert – especially if I know I’m right. In this energy, I am half intellectual explorer half mad-man – reading, deep diving, and pushing for productivity. I am so rarely wrong, it could seem like I’m faking, but truthfully I’m simply intelligent with exceptional pattern recognition skills in Z. Nova’s energy.
Z. Nova can be crass and blunt in communication, so often times I find myself in trouble when I allow this piece to drive during conflicts.
My energy flows in a chaotic, powerful way when I am in this space. Z. Nova could be found dancing in the moonlight with a blunt in one hand and a bottle of red wine in the other.
The empress and the queen of swords – a strong, dominant feminine force willing to slice through the bullshit and get to the heart of the matter.
I’m no fool and highly protective of myself and my peace in Z. Nova’s energy.
She’s my warrior queen.
B Side of the Track
Then, there is ZZ. Thing 2.
She is quiet, soft spoken and gentle. ZZ uses language like the underside of a rose petal – velvety and smooth. I take care of everything and every one including the self. Pouring infinite grace and love into every situation and laughing hard at silly things. I find this part of me to be lovely in nature. ZZ is my creative side, my lover girl, and a delicate person.
If you meet me in ZZ’s energy, perhaps you would find me endearing yet strange. I often find myself delighting in compliments and expressing genuine curiosity towards people. ZZ is a social butterfly. Bubbly, energetic, and charming.
She is the queen mother the high priestess in full contact with intuition and divinity.
ZZ can be found in a flowy dress, painting sultry pictures, and day dreaming about the next time she can do sex magic.
Somewhere Behind the Mask
The twins are my primary masking parts – the angel and devil on my shoulders. Both parts are beautiful and deeply flawed.
“Give them grace for what? They knew exactly what they did to hurt me and they didn’t give a fuck, so why should I?” Classic Z. Nova.
“The damage is already done. There’s no use in dragging it out with a conversation. Let’s quietly close the door and glow up.” Sounds about right for soft girl ZZ.
Z. Nova would stab a betraying lover in the chest and grin with joy as she successfully got revenge. As a matter of fact, she would burn the bridge with both people standing on it if it meant getting her way.
Blaming herself for betrayal and sliding into the depths of depression is ZZ’s style. She’s the type to internalize and self-deprecate.
Truthfully, I am both and neither. I am the observer of all that takes place in my universe.
The person who exists somewhere between the two conflicting parties, is me.
This memoir is a way for me to heal the wounds of both of my masks and allow them to put down the sword and shield they carry for me. There is no longer a need for them to fight for my safety because I am finally strong enough to create and maintain my own safety.
Finally, I am not weak. Confident in my power – I am wise and discerning. I know when to be sharp and when to be soft.
Have you met the me behind my masks? I am Zera. Hello, world.
-Zera 2025